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I finally wrote out my testimony of PTLS so I thought I would share:
I had my tubes tied right after I delivered my second child. I breastfed my baby for a full year (with no menstruation) so I was my normal self— at least as normal as I could be for being the momma of 2. However, as soon as I stopped nursing, the first symptom of PTLS (Post Tubal Ligation Syndrome) started; my periods were lasting 10-14 days every month. Before my tubal ligation, my periods only lasted 3-4 days.
6 months later, the mental/emotional symptoms of PTLS hit me like a ton of bricks. I started having major mood swings, which was so unlike me. I had always been a very emotionally stable person; I never noticed having PMS, nor was I emotional or moody during either of my pregnancies.
When the mood symptoms started, it was mid July. I couldn’t handle the heat of summer…it would stress me out and make me crazy (it was like an external stress that put me over the edge). I had always been the kind of person that was cold no matter what and could go all summer with no air conditioning. Additionally, I was trying to eat healthy at the time, but that was another stress that I couldn’t handle. I normally had no problem sticking with a diet if I was determined, but all of a sudden I couldn’t handle being deprived of whatever I wanted to eat. That is when my obsession with chocolate chip cookie dough started! Anytime I would get stressed out, I would send my husband to the grocery on a cookie dough run (unusual for me considering I never had even the slightest craving during my pregnancies).
I developed anxiety that put me on edge and any little stress (and I do mean tiny everyday stresses) would push me over the edge:
I remember a couple occasions when my toddler wanted milk and we didn’t have any. So of course, when I told her we were out of milk, she started crying and threw a fit. I would normally handle that by saying that we had juice or water to choose from…and if she still wanted to cry about it, I would put her in time out. But now all I could do was sit in the kitchen floor and cry. I was too overwhelmed to handle the situation. My kid crying over milk was enough to stress me out and bring me to tears… I had no idea what was wrong with me.
I also remember a few occasions when I was grocery shopping and once I had a full cart, one of the kids had to use the potty…a situation that requires a little thought, but not really a big deal. Due to my severe anxiety, I couldn’t even think through the steps of what to do. So I left my cart full of groceries in the middle of the aisle, grabbed the kids and went home. The simple stress of an inconvenient potty break was too much for me…I couldn’t figure out what was going on with me.
Imagine how overwhelmed I was by the kids fighting over a toy or an argument with my husband. Every little stress overwhelmed me so much that I couldn’t function…all I could do was cry. This was so far from the person I had always been. I had always been calm, cool, and collected in stressful situation. I was a surgical technologist who had been in real medical emergencies and I had always worked well under pressure.
Because of the anxiety, I felt uneasy and therefore couldn’t concentrate- becoming overwhelmed with having to think 2 steps ahead. I felt like I needed someone to tell me what to do every step. I used to be someone who thought what seemed to be 30 steps ahead and now I could barely handle one step at a time. I couldn’t concentrate on a large task and I used to tackle tasks that would overwhelm most people. Not that it was a good trait, but I had also been a stubborn person, which made me very determined if I had my mind set on something. As I became more overwhelmed, I was giving up on everything because I couldn’t handle the pressure of “sticking with it”.
I would find myself extremely irritated- especially with my kids, and would constantly yell at them. What happened to me?! I used to be so patient with them! I couldn’t handle them, “talk, talk, talking” to me or asking a ton of questions…it felt like ‘Chinese Water Torture’. I hated that they weren’t doing anything wrong, but were having to deal with me being messed up. It was so hard for them to understand and it broke my heart : (
In addition to the main symptoms of anxiety, overwhelming feelings, and irritability, PTLS caused slight depression, a sense of hopelessness, no libido, chronic fatigue (which felt like anemia that I had during my pregnancies), and headaches.
The whole time this was going on, I felt like I was going crazy, but at the same time I was completely aware that I was feeling and behaving irrationally. I remember many times saying to my husband, “I know I am having emotional issues and that this “problem” won’t mean anything to me tomorrow, but I am still upset about it right now. I know it’s ridiculous that I would be crying about this, but I can’t stop.”
I finally met with my OB/GYN about having the 2 week long periods; not mentioning anything about the mood swings because I didn’t realize they were related. (I worked in labor and delivery with my OB/GYN at the time and had already asked her if there were any side effects from tubal ligation. She informed that tubal ligation had no side-effects. Therefore, I had disregarded that any of my symptoms were related to the tubal). She prescribed Progestin to me to regulate my menstrual cycle. Taking the Progestin for the next couple months fixed my periods, but made all of the mood symptoms much worse.
To explain what was going on with my thoughts during this time, you have to understand that I am a Christian, committed to becoming more Christ-like and desiring to do what is pleasing to God. So during all of this, I kept going back to Bible verses like “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request before God” (Philippians 4:6) and “Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you” (1 Peter 5:7) and yet I was anxious and overwhelmed. Therefore, I thought I was not committed enough to prayer and that I was not trusting in God enough. I felt like the mood issues were related to my spiritual life and not a medical issue. However, the effects of the first month on Progestin led my husband on an online search to find out what was wrong with me. He was convinced that this was a physical medical issue, not simply a mental problem. He discovered a site discussing PMDD (premenstrual dysphoric disorder) which covered all of the symptoms I was experiencing, so I started tracking my symptoms and realized that they were occurring the 2 weeks prior to my period. Noticing that I would be fine one week, able to handle everyday life issues, and then all of a sudden the next week overwhelmed by the same everyday life issues, helped me to realize that this wasn’t “all in my head”.
I went back to my OB/GYN and told her I thought I had PMDD. She agreed and took me off the Progestin, prescribed Yaz® birth control pills and a couple months later added a SSRI (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor) anti-depressant. I started feeling much better. My periods were only 2-3 days long, and I wasn’t getting as overwhelmed or anxious, however, I was still getting a little irritated before my period. I still wasn’t back to normal, but at least the symptoms became manageable. The down side to taking the anti-depressant, was that rather than being emotionally erratic, I now became emotionally numb. I had a hard time showing affection, still no sex drive and was never in a GOOD mood. I was just ‘OK’.
I carried on like this for over a year until my husband, missing his wife, was led on another online search to find out what was wrong with me. This time he found the Chapel Hill Tubal Reversal Center website discussing PTLS which once again covered all of my symptoms, but this time offering a cure rather than medications to treat symptoms. After much prayer, we began seriously considering tubal ligation reversal. The only thing I was worried about was that having the reversal would make my symptoms worse. I researched and researched to find a case where reversal caused the symptoms to worse and couldn’t find any such case. So I thought “what could I possibly lose by trying the tubal reversal?” So I continued, as I had for the past year and a half, to pray that God would make me better. I prayed that if that was going to happen through TR (Tubal Reversal), that He would provide the way.
All that was left in order to confirm that TR was the answer, was the issue of coming up with the money for the procedure. We live paycheck to paycheck and didn’t have any money to even gradually save over time. So I just kept praying. And the answer came a few months later in the form of a tax return check. We had never received more than a $1000 refund in the past, but this year for some reason, we received A LOT more than that…we received $5700 (only $100 short of the expense of the reversal procedure).
I called Chapel Hill Tubal Reversal Center immediately and scheduled my reversal for a month later. While waiting to have my reversal, I stopped taking all my medications so that I could go back to all my “crazy” symptoms in order to be able to see if the tubal reversal would make a difference. Sure enough I went back to full-on PTLS. During this torturous month, I journaled a little and a few of the journal entries that I feel best described what was going on in my head are:
~ I can see the clouds coming, but I can’t do anything to stop it and before I know it I am in the middle of the storm.
~ I’m aware that what I am feeling is irrational and doesn’t fit with reality, but for some reason I can’t do anything to change it…I am still upset, anxious, and overwhelmed even if it makes no sense, even to me.
~ I feel like a prisoner in my body…I wish I could just check out of my body for these 2 weeks before my period comes.
~ There is so much to get done, but time is ticking so fast…I know I’ll never be able to get everything done. I can’t rationally think about the steps to take. I get so overwhelmed by it that I just want to crawl into a hole.
It has only been 2 months since my tubal reversal, but the change is astounding! (I didn’t do anything other than have my tubal ligation reversed so I know the change came from the reversal). My periods now only last 6 days, my sex drive has picked up drastically, and the mood symptoms are almost completely gone. I feel like my old self again. Even a “bad day” now is much better than what I considered to be a “good day” while suffering from PTLS. I feel so much better that I don’t know what to do with all of the extra energy; there are days when I just want to dance around or do a cartwheel because I feel so good and I’m not used to feeling that. It has been a long time since I have been that happy! I look forward to the continued recovery from PTLS.
I am so relieved that my family doesn’t have to walk on eggshells around me anymore and I don’t have to tell my children, “My chemicals [hormones] are messed up again, so I need you to go play and give me some quiet time.” I had a milestone moment last month when my daughter was in one of her, ‘talk, talk, talk and 1001 questions’ moods. I was able to talk with her, answering all of her questions without getting overwhelmed. You can’t imagine how huge that was for me. My husband said that he had forgotten what I was like before the tubal ligation, but is sooo happy to have his wife back! I am so thankful that God made it possible for me to have this surgery and has allowed me to be myself again!
I want to do whatever I can to keep other women from going through what I went through with PTLS. I also want women who are already having problems from their tubal ligation, but don’t know what is wrong with them, to be informed and given the hope of a cure through tubal reversal. Having worked in the medical field, I used to see patients come in all the time with complaints that make no sense medically and therefore I thought it was all in their head. However, now having personally experienced PTLS, which is not widely accepted in the medical field, I have a more open mind. Similarly, I want doctors to realize that PTLS is a real condition and that this is not “all in our head”.
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