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» Tubal Reversal Message Board » Preparing for Tubal Reversal » regrets of TL
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TulipGarden
Member # 13451
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Denise, my name is Cindy. You can email me anytime [Smile] cindy.owen@hotmail.com
LauraD, RN
Member # 13476
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Girls,

This is a great place to connect about life events that turn around and bring you to Drs. Berger and Monteith. You will find a lot of support on this message board. Please let us know if you have any questions about tubal reversal.

Laura
[CHTRC]
101girl
Member # 13234
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cjomqobaby,so what is your name? Mine is Denise. we should keep in touch. We have alot in common.
Denise
TulipGarden
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Much the same here! My husband now is also a God Send. Wea are lucky ladies!!!

Us too, I think just the one child. If that one is even meant to be.

My oldest daughter will be 17 in June. My son is 14 and my youngest daughter is 8. My step children are soon to be 18, 14, and also 8. Then I have two step sons from my previous marriage that I am still close to that are 18 and 13.

I also feel more ready to be a mother than I was before. I wanted my children before. I was young and tons of energy. I dont regret it, they are fun and I am still young. It's just life is less stressful. I feel better about myself and my life. I feel like I would be a much better mother now, more relaxed. You might feel the same way. [Smile]
101girl
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I think only one. Like I said I will be 35 in May. But if it is in gods plans for me to have more than one... My son is 17 and my daughter is 10. I just feel like I am more ready now than ever before to be a mother. I hope that makes sense. Like with my other two children I never breast fed them. If god is willing, then I would like to give it a try.I also have a god send of a husband. I often wonder why I couldn't have meet him sooner. But, I love my two chidren dearly.
Denise
TulipGarden
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I am in Oklahoma, a long ways a away! I am so glad you understand. My parents never divorced. And like you I wanted my children or had this vision that all my children would be from the same father. And it never dawned on me that it would hurt her THAT much to be the only child between us two. Are you planning on having two or one child with your husband now?
101girl
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cjomqobaby, I agree 100% about everything that you have said. In my first marriage I thought that I would never get remarried and I wanted all my children by the same person. I didn't want them to feel left out. My parents got a divorce when I was young and other children were involved. It does hurt. So, I didn't want that for my children. I never dreamed that I would get remarried and want another child. I'll be 35 at the end of May. I feel my clock ticking.( fast! ) I'm from South Carolina where are you from?
Denise
TulipGarden
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I guess I should say "full" blood. They would share the same mother. [Smile] Ashley actually doesnt refer to her half siblings as "half" but just brothers and sister. She had only realized there was a difference between them when it came time for visitation. Its still like that. She is one of 8 kids, half or step, and she ends up being alone while everyone else is gone with their other parents and full siblings. She deals with it now, but at the time it was hard for her to realize or understand how it was "different" after we were divorced, when we had never thaught her that there was a difference prior (if that makes sense). She was just starting to understand how her brothers on her Dad's side were not born by me, their mother died from cancer before Ashley had been born. I think it was just a tough time for her to be left alone. Not that we wanted her to feel that absence of a "full" blood sibling, it just ended up she was thrust into that absence because of the divorce. She is in full contact with all of of her siblings, she sees her brothers when she go to her Dads and her oldest brother stayed with me for a time before he left for the Air Force. And her other brother was just over here last weekend to stay with us. They both still call me Mom. [Smile] Like I said, it was totally not intended to make her feel like she didnt have a full blood sibling, it was just something realized on her own and I hated that for her. Cause I had thought about it myself, lots of times, but it was never a reality til after the divorce. Not sure if that makes sense.

She is 8 years old now and loves the idea of a baby brother or sister and we would again raise her and all the siblings to think of it as her "brother or sister" without the "half" in there. Absolutely, without a doubt. We are a close family and I am so thankful for that. Which might be why she feels that alone feeling when they are all away.

But I totally meant "full blood". And I am only referring to that in the sense of paternal issues during visitation, not that we taught her that she is alone. If that makes sense. It's probably hard to convey over a typed out message.
NJgirlinWI
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I just have one question...why can't you give your youngest DD her blood sibling? She is your child and another child would also be yours, same mother so why do you say they wouldn't be 'blood siblings'? Just curious. When I had my first DS with my new husband, my DD from my previous marriage said, "I know Gaven is only my 1/2 brother but he feels like a whole brother". She was 8 at the time and it was so sweet [Smile] Good luck to you!
TulipGarden
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It's sad to me to read that so many women regret TL and that it happens to so many young women in such good child bearing years. I am 35 years old now. When I was 20 years old I had my second baby and I had a long and difficult labor. I tried for a VBAC. But it ended in another c-section. My OBGYN begged me at the time to do a TL. I refused. I simply just refused. I was sad that she felt i was "broken" and I refused to believe that. I talked to another doctor once who said I could have another, just do a planned c-section. I thought could it be just that easy after a doctor had begged me to do a TL? But in my second marriage I got pregnant with my 3rd baby. Not on purpose. [Smile] And I had a planned c-section, never one problem. A bright and beautiful 8 lbs. 6 oz. baby girl. But I figured I should just do the TL and the doctor actually tried to talk me out of it. I wished later I had listened. I was 26 years old. After my second husband left I had been thankful I had the TL, a bad marriage and single mother of three...I was thanking God I didnt have four. But you know, it made me sad that my youngest daughter did not have a blood sibling. She cried her eyes out after we divorced. She was sad that her half brothers on her Dads side stayed with thier Dad and had each other, while her half sister and brother (on my side)went to their Dads and they had each other. The times when they were all gone, she was left alone. Her huge family just gone in an instant. She was so heart broken. She sat in my car and painfully cried her heart out for a brother or sister so she would not have to be the child left alone. She said it was not fair. Ugh. Five years old and she was grieving the loss of a sibling she would never know nor could I ever produce. And the sibling I regretted was never born. I cried with her and explained this was "life" and I was sorry. Many times after my TL I had wanted another but couldnt because of my choice to do the TL. I know everything happens for a reason. But it's one of those things that won't ever be changed for my youngest DD.

This time it is different. I had told my current husband we would not be having more cause I am "fixed". He understood. My oldest DSD said the other day "isnt it funny they call it "fixed" when they are actually breaking you?". I thought, GOOD POINT!!! But then somehow my current husband and I got to the discussion of TR, oh I remember why - because I had to take a pregnancy test because i was late. It sparked our "interest". Now all we are looking for is a "chance" to have a baby together. I cant give my youngest DD her blood sibling, and we are past that point, but this is not my reason for having another baby. This is just to share life together with my best friend, my husband. And if it never happens I still feel blessed to have this house full of children of half, step, and full siblings and children and I look forward to a house full of grand children. There is never a dull moment and our lives are full. One more little miracle, and that is what it will be, will just make our lives that more joyous. If there is any one thing I do not regret about TL is that it gives us a true appreciation for life conceived after the TR, God willing.
 
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