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Let's talk about starting over. My oldest is 20 (21 in May) and my youngest is 18 (19 in June). My DH is their father and he wants two more kids. He always has, but I was selfish and prideful and the day after my youngest was born I had my tubes tied. Yes I wish I had done it when I was 32 but I believed the lies that said TRs don't work. There are always pros and cons to any decision. After reading one of the post I have another pro to add to my situation.
Happy New Year everybody especially the wonderful Dr. Berger and his staff.
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My "baby" is 16 and my oldest will be 19 March 1st.I had my TL after the birth of Gregory 16 years ago. My marriage fell apart after infidelity,not once but many times that I tried to overlook. I met the most wonderful man in the world 5 and 1/2 years ago and we married shortly after. My husband has no children of his own and I wished very much to share that with him. It took us 10 cycles after the TR but I did conceive and our much wanted and already loved baby is due 7/12.My "baby" will turn 17 Aug 20th so yes I am definately starting over and looking forward to every minute of it I wish you the best in whatever you decide. Angela EDD 7/12
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A friend of mine had a TR 2 years ago. She is 39 and has 2 adult sons and a Grandaughter that is about 1 1/2. Anyway, She gave birth to a beautiful baby girl in November and she has never been happier! She sent me a picture of her and her husband (who had no kids of his own) and they were both kissing the baby in the picture--- Pictures like that reflect why its worth it for a woman of any age.
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Pondwader, I had my last of 4 when I was 30- it was the most wonderful pregnancy of all 4 it seemed liked with each time being pregnant each pregnancy got easyer-its almost like my body got better with practice. To me even if it turnes out to be harder than the others it would be all so worth it in the end... You can guess and say what if but all that matters is -is this what you want cause it seems like you so want this but your questioning everything to talk your self out of it.
We can worry about everthing in life and you might lose out on a lot if you let your self get to scared of the what ifs and not just follow your heart and go for it if this is what you so long for!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Leave the worring to some one eles and follow your heart, if its meant for you to bring another child into this world than it will so be......... Tammy
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What about worrying about the health of the child? I guess because I was so blessed to have 3 healthy children I almost feel like trying for another is pushing my luck? I know at 31 or 33 the risks aren't greatly increased, but I can't help but worry. Also, for any who have had pregnancies a decade apart, do you find your body deals with it better, worse, or no difference? I felt wonderful through all of all 3 of my pregnancies, no morning sickness, no pain, nothing. It was wonderful, I loved being pregnant. I worry that might change because I am older now?
I am 39 and my husband is 34. I have a son who will be 16 in 3 months. My husband has no biological kids of his own. The decision was easy for us. We've been married 5 years, and always knew we'd get the TR. We waited until the money was right and until we'd built our home. You are SO YOUNG, and it sounds like you have all the odds in your favor. ALOT of the women on this board are older than you. I would say you've got 10 good years to decide and go through with TR!!! It may sound like a long time to you, but it's not. Like Tammy said, it would have been wonderful to have had the chance for TR 8-10 years ago, but it wasn't right for us then. It seems like it is for you.
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Pondwader, I would love to have the chance for my TR at the age of 31-I am 40 this yr. and knew in my heart that having another baby was the thing that I truly longed for - I had my TR in Aug. this yr. and Im on my 2nd month of clomid and this is my 5th month TTC and its hard each month when AF arrives but I would not change that for nothing in the world - Im so glad to know that each month I have the choice to try or not to and know that all the hard work will be worth it the day that I see that double line on a HPT .
You just have to follow your heart and if you want to have another baby then I say go for it- 31 is a wonderful age to have a baby and my youngest is 10 now and is so happy to know that she could be getting a little sister or brother.....BABIES ARE WONDERFUL..... Best of luck to you and just follow your heart.... Tammy
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Hello Pondwader, I totally agree with you saying that making the TR decision seems "monumental". I have scheduled for Jan. 30th and still carry the decision around every waking moment. For so many years (16) I have not had to think about pregnancy. I am 41. I have chosen not to discuss this with any family members because it feels too private. But having this forum to read and share with has been actually a God-send. For me it helps ease fears and gives so much encouragement. At the time that I made the decision factors were placed around me that triggered a "yes" inside me. Every one has their stories here different and similar at the same time that makes relating so easy. For me I was a 15 year old child when my mother started having children again. She had an IUD for many years that suddenly caused a near deathly infection and had to be removed. She gave birth to my last sister at age 40. Going through high school with 3 baby sisters was definately unique in comparison to my friends families. I remember feeling this is cool when they first came along, but as they got older to be honest I felt neglected. It was selfish of me, but really missed the one-on-one after a time. I determined that when it came time for me to have children it would be early on and would never consider children in older years. And that factored in when I had the TL. It was my way of taking control. Realizing that I have dabilitating symptoms each month relating to Post Tubal Ligation Syndrom I began researching TR and the possibilites. During my time of decision I was eager for relief of severe PMSing, but questioned pregnancy. This is silly, but after a month or so, a small 8 month or so kitten was crying meows around the side of our house as I was sitting in our garage. I had been feeling quite down and conflicted with so many decisions to make. I got up and gently called to her. She eagerly came up to me with earnest cries. I catered to her over the next week and a familar joy began to grow inside me for this little kitten. I was remembering the joys of nurturing. Then another month later a conversation was struck with someone who kept talking about how bringing children in this world of today just seemed a doomed effort. I realized deep inside myself that for years I had been erring and contributing to that side of doom and gloom and did not support "Life". Over the holidays having a large family to share with I realized how appreciative I felt to be around so much life in one room and that it is such a gift, and I now I have this desire to contribute to the side of life rather than prevent it. Even if I don't produce pregnancies I will just feel confident in myself that I got back to the right side of things, psycologically and spiritually, and physically. I think everyone on these boards are crusaders in a way for wanting the continuim of life and I would think in God's eyes this is very pleasing. Please forgive the long post here, but was hard to squeeze in that darn nutshell. Oh another big realization for me is the gift of "Change". All our lives would be so closed in almost jailed if we didn't use this gift. It just frees us and gives liberty. I would venture to say it defines the life God offers. I'm getting out of the deep end now. Just wanted to add my story if it helps. Take care.
Take this story any way you wish, but I totally agree with the above respnses.
I am 43(had TR when I was 41)M6y husband was 17 years my senior(will be 60 in January) and we had the TR.
His kids are 35 and 36, mine is 18.
Hard decision? Not at all. If you are willing to invest the time and love and know that you are once again going to be a Mommy, then go for it!!!
I hear woman tell me at work that they are so glad their kids are grown, and complain about having to care for grand children for more than an hour. I always say, I would not have a problem starting all over.
It's not for everyone, but if it's for you, then alow yourself the love and joy you will get from a child.
Hope you make the decision you can live with, remembering that a TR is not a guarantee of a child.
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I totally can relate to how you are feeling..our stories are almost identical. I had my first at 18 and second when I was 21. Then like a dumby had my TL when I had my second child but was in a bad marriage (he was having affair of course ) and felt it was the best decision for me at the time. I remarried a few years later to a wonderful man who has no children of his own and would love to give him the sweetest gift of all..a chubby lil baby! I am currently 32 and hubby is 35 and my TR is next week. We have been married 7 1/2 years and talked of TR for at least 5 of them years. I had the same concerns...babysitter, money, and feels like way more responsibility. I think that is because of having children so young..we were full of life and just dealt with things as they came along...now we have lived a little and know what life is all about and it is scary but I have reached the conclusion that it will be well worth it if I am blessed with a lil angel. Good luck in your decision! Bren
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Thank you for the replies... it is so nice to hear about others who have had similar experiences and have made the same decision. It's such a huge decision. Funny, when you just "get pregnant" you are thrilled, excited, love and raise your child etc... you know that it is a huge responsibility and do your best. When it is a decision, to actually have surgery and attempt to bring another life into the world, it just seems like a monumentally larger responsibility.
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My story is similar--my girls are 19, 14, and 12. Had TL after the 3rd in 1993. I divorced their father in 1995, then met a wonderful man and we've been married for over 7 years. He has no children of his own, and we've known we wanted at least one of our own. We put it off for lots of reasons--financial, then buying a home, and now we're ready. I'm 38, DH is 33. I'm feeling like we better hurry up and get busy. We just knew this was something we wanted from the start of our relationship, and the time is right so, TR is in 4 days!! Good luck to you as you make the decision that is right for you and your family.
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My oldest 15 (July will be 16) and my youngest 10 (March will be 11) are too from my first marriage that did not work out. My DH now has no children of his own and we had the TR just to have the chance to have one together and I'm 41! DH is 38. I think you have a wonderful chance of getting PG you have a lot of things on your side age being the biggest one. As for older children mine are thrilled and hope I get PG soon. I look at it this way they are at the ages that they will be great help and will understand whats going on. I also feel I will be a even better mother now that my children are older, I have their childhood to draw my experinces from. I will be a lot calmer this time around knowing I didn't do that bad of a job with them. You'll even have more time to enjoy the new baby because they are older and can take care of themselves for the most part. If you and your DH would like to have a child or 2 together go for it and Dr. B is the best. Good Luck and I hope this helped.
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I am going to be 42 in a week, I have a 17 DD and 15 DS from 1st marriage.. DH is 32 w/no kids... decision very easy... I am more ready now to have children than I was when I had my 2..Alot of people think I am crazy for starting over but it comes down to what I feel in my heart....and that is I want a child w/my DH.. I am ready to be a mom once again..this time I will know what I am doing LOL dont ya wish they came w/manuals. Good luck in your journey and remember to follow your heart! Michele
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Let's talk about starting over. My oldest is 20 (21 in May) and my youngest is 18 (19 in June). My DH is their father and he wants two more kids. He always has, but I was selfish and prideful and the day after my youngest was born I had my tubes tied. Yes I wish I had done it when I was 32 but I believed the lies that said TRs don't work. There are always pros and cons to any decision. After reading one of the post I have another pro to add to my situation. ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
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of course ) and felt it was the best decision for me at the time. I remarried a few years later to a wonderful man who has no children of his own and would love to give him the sweetest gift of all..a chubby lil baby! I am currently 32 and hubby is 35 and my TR is next week. We have been married 7 1/2 years and talked of TR for at least 5 of them years. I had the same concerns...babysitter, money, and feels like way more responsibility. I think that is because of having children so young..we were full of life and just dealt with things as they came along...now we have lived a little and know what life is all about and it is scary but I have reached the conclusion that it will be well worth it if I am blessed with a lil angel. Good luck in your decision! Bren
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