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Chucksgirl, I wonder why they feel obligated and compelled as well, like they own me. But...my parents could hunt me down like a bloodhound. Actually, they do. If they cant get me directly which I ignore 8 times out of 10, my husbands phone rings, and then they try each one of my kids ("Oh snap, it's gramma"). Trying to keep my parents out of my business is no easy task. Trust me, I try. And I can be quite successful! Although, they keep me on my toes. They have figured out I will answer my Dads calls before I answer my Moms (he asks a lot fewer questions and is not a hypochondriac). So now they have taken to calling me from my Dad's cell phone and then my Dad hands the phone immediately to my mother. I love my parents, I really do.
I dont think my ex's would care. My husbands ex might care, but I dont care that she cares, so that takes care of that.
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This post comes up a lot. May I ask why anybody would feel obligated or compelled to have to share such private news with ANYONE other than the spouse or partner? I find it confusing that people would spend time wondering what an ex-spouse or parents would think about something so personal and why you would give them enough information to allow them to give input in your reproductive decisions. If you don't tell them, they cannot give input. If you get pregnant, well miracles do happen. Leave it at that.
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I have 3 munchkins and also felt pressured into my tl. I am now 30 and have a 11,10,9 y/o. I haven't told anyone because of the potential fallout but I really am not ready to have an empty nest at 39!!!!! Best luck to all! I have 48 days til tr. Ready all your posts has helped so much.
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the only ones that know are my 2 friends...we wont tell anyone about the TR and when i wind up pregnant it will "be a miracle" its no ones business but i dont want to hear people tell me how crazy i am either...me & rob want a baby together and thats all that matters to me
posted
I am 42 y.o & my TR is scheduled for 2-19-09 and the only people that know about my plans are my sister who will be accompanying me to Chapel Hill, a friend at work that will be covering for me and my best friend. I am 42 and have a DS 22, DS 21 & DS 13. My 13yo was born premature at 5 1/2 months and I had another DS premature 5 1/2 months that lived for 9 weeks. I had my TL 10/18/00 due to that pregnancy. I have only told a select few because so many others know of the heartache that I have been through and in their effort to try to protect me they would say something insensitive that I don't really need to hear right now. I tested the waters by saying to a couple of friends that I wanted a baby. The response I got was, "You are nuts." "Your eggs are scrambled or hard boiled." "Why would you want to wear pampers at the same time as your child?" The list goes on. The decision is entirely up to you. Good luck.
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Everyone in my family knows...I told my Mom two years ago and my sister and all of my husbands side knows...I cannot wait to come down and have my surgery, I am saving up and having a penny drive and over the summer I am gonna have a bottle drive to try to get my money faster...my Dad is about to get a settlement also so I may not have to wait till August-September...
posted
My DH's family would flip but he doesn't have a stellar relationship with them anyway, so we don't plan to tell them anything about it except- wow! I'm pregnant- must be a miracle! I, however am VERY close to my mom and tell her everything. My history is this: I was pregnant in 94, 95 ( died at 3 weeks old), 96 (miscarriage), 97, 98 and 00. My last 4 I had lots of complications, pre term labor, sick ALL the time, just in general not very healthy and hard times. DH has 3 daughters so total we have 7 kids, only 5 live with us the other 2 are here on weekends. I am in denial that I have PTLS, that said I will admit to having 75% or more of the symptoms of it. ( I don't like to lable health problems, I chalk it up to work.... kids... critters ( we have 10 horses).... life in general as to why I am moody/tired/weepy/ whatever personality I choose for the day. Anyway, in 2000, my doctor scred everyone by saying I could "very well die" if I had another baby and I needed a TL. my ex and my mom pressured me into agreeing to it and I have been in some form of depression ever since. I know my mom only cares about me and wants what is best for me, which is why she pressured me into it, and I also know that yes- my body needed a break from pregnancy. However, life changes... I didn't count on meeting someone who made me this happy, who I connect with on so many levels, and he is the one who brought up us having a baby together. In September, I was 2 weeks late and was overjoyed at the thought, we both were. I waited for a 2 full weeks to test and when I did it was negative and I was devestated. During those 2 weeks was when I found this site.... searching for the possibility of getting pregnant after a TL. So here I am 8 years later, desperately wanting a child with this wonderful man and wondering how will I explain this one to my mom? lol SO what I did was sent her an article on PTLS and asked her thoughts. She said " I think you have it but you don't need a reversal you need a hysterectomy but leave your ovaries so you still have the horomones." I was crushed. I told her that wasn't an option that I felt a hysterectomy would make it worse because it would be to final and I hadn't wanted the TL to begin with and I felt that was the cause of alot of my depression over the past 8 years. She never responded to that. It hasn't changed my opinion on the TR at all.... I plan to go through with it. I know when its all said and done she will love this baby as much as she loves her other grandkids, even if she doesn't approve of how it came to be. But its my life, my body, and most importantly our choice as a husband and wife to make, and we have made it together.
posted
I never told anyone that I had a tl so there wasn't a reason to tell anyone about this surgery...I personally feel what happens inside my body is my very private buisiness. My mother is the only one who knows about it because she cared for my children while we were away. She didn't give me a negative opinion because she loves her grandchildren and thats the only reason I chose to tell her. I have the support of my dh and the ladies here. I don't need the negative opinion of my family ect about how many children my dh and I plan to have. Its our family and we support them so no ones opinion matters to me anyway. Good Luck to all of you ladies...again..I wouldn't tell them at all...when you get pregnant they can just look at it as the blessing that it is. Michelle
posted
This question comes up very frequently on the message board and I am always left wondering, "Why does anyone ask her family what they think about the surgery or pregnancy?"
Unless parents, grandparents, neighbors, or children are paying for the reversal (or will be asked to babsit or support the child), they really do not have the right to give an opinion. If they are ASKED, however, they will likely give one. When couples are trying to conceive before having a TL, it is unlikely that family was consulted or asked for opinion. The pregnancy was just announced. Why shouldn't it be the same now? In most cases, women do not ask for permission from Mom and Dad to get pregnant the first time and it seems unlikely that anyone ever asks Child #1 or Child #2 whether it is okay to try for Child #3.
When you become pregnant after the reversal, there is really not much that can be said or done and - my guess is - everyone will be so happy about the impending delivery that they won't have a negative comment.
posted
That's what is so great about the board, there are so many different experiences and opinions that can be so helpful to others...I have decided to wait until I have something to tell before I create unnecessary drama. I would like to keep things as calm as possible so I can focus my energy on getting that BFP.... so thanks again for helping me sort things out...!
posted
Lisa- seems to be we've all felt or feel this way. My mom knows i want to do it and her response was why not just do foster care. so i'm not telling her that i plan to schedule next week. My father has no idea, my friends all know and love the idea and my kids do know just because even though they are young they know everything, we're very close. I plan on telling my grandparents because i'll be staying with them right before and after i leave the hotel. Ex DH knows and I do get a ton of grief from him, he was the reason i got my TL, but the kids told him and he can think what he wants. Tell people who will share your joy and those that can't can wait. It's not secret keeping or lying, unless it comes up, maybe you could test the waters by mentioning that you wish you could have more kids. Good luck. and we're all more than happy to share in your excitement and stress and worry, and joy.
posted
Lisa - If you feel your family is not going to be positive - share with a friend or let this be your sharing place. I would not share something this personal with anyone who would not be happy or excited for you and your dh.
It's not lying or keeping secrets. It's okay to have personal boundaries that you don't share. In fact, sometimes too much information even in families isn't a good idea. It give other's a place in your private affairs.
My advice for anyone who has asked this question is that if they can't be happy for you then don't share. Unless there is a reason you know that expanding your family isn't a good idea or will not be recieved well - this isn't anyone business but yours!
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We didn't tell anyone (except one SIL, because she watched my boys) about the TR until we were pregnant. Our reasoning was, we didn't want to get their hopes up until we actually got pregnant. Good luck. Karen
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Although, they keep me on my toes. They have figured out I will answer my Dads calls before I answer my Moms (he asks a lot fewer questions and is not a hypochondriac). So now they have taken to calling me from my Dad's cell phone and then my Dad hands the phone immediately to my mother. I love my parents, I really do. ![[Love]](graemlins/hearts.gif)
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