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Thanks everyone, ....I am still struggling with this. Some days I want to tell my mom but I'm afraid of her reaction and I don't want to cause her stress...she is 70 yrs old. I think about it every day. I wonder when I do tell them if they will be hurt by me not trusting them. We made up a story about having to go to Chapel Hill for my husbands poker tournament....thats where the lying came in....I just wish I knew what reaction they would have. I do feel close to my mom and sister, we talk every day, I just know though that they are not going to be positive about it. I guess I will just apologize later for story about having to go to chapel hill...
I feel great that the surgery is over and that we can ttc next month....then maybe we can tell them all about a BFP and be done with the secrets..
I was a little younger (32) when I had my TR but my issues were the same. I knew that most of my family (especially my ex and his wife) wouldn't support our decision. DH's family on the other hand would have been very supportive as they didn't have any grandchildren/neices/nephews/etc. but I didn't want to deal with the constant questions like, "are you pregnant yet."
In the end, I think it was the best decision for us. We were able to TTC without the added stress of feeling like people were watching us. It also made for a nice surprise for everyone when we did get our BFP.
You have to do what is right for you. Personally, I don't think keeping the TR to yourself is the same as lying or being dishonest - it's a private issue and really no body's business but your own. Also, there is no reason to set yourself up for critisism.
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Hi ladies I feel the same way as much of us do. I remember when I first tried to see if I would have support and in the bieginning I didi and needless to say, my DH informed his mother that we have just a few more hundreds to go, and my family doesn't mention it much but we brought our first baby tshirt that say "Does this diaper make my butt look big" it is a joy to have support . but having that said just keep this one thing in mind that si your DHand your decision. good luck you'll be in my prayers.
I am very happy for you...you inspire me! I can't wait to start trying to get pg...(my hubby too!) lol...
I wish you the best of luck with this one....I guess patience is needed when we are over 40 trying to conceive. I just feel the ticking and hope it comes sooner rather than later.....I just keep thinking about when I'm 65, I may have a 20 year old!! YIKES...it will keep us young for sure!. I don't feel my age either and I am very healthy so I'm expecting the best outcome!
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Lisa~ I had my TR on 10/17/02. My lengths were 8.0 & 8.0 I was 39 at the time and turned 40 in May 7 months later. It took us around 2 years to become pregnant. I gave birth to a healthy 8.2 lb baby boy in June of 2005. After his birth we used no birth control and I got pg. this December and I am now 45 will be 46 at the birth of this baby. It took me 3.5 years to get pg. This time. I assume that it is because of my age. That is what the doctors tell me...LOL I don't feel old, but the tell me that my eggs are. I know that God has a plan and he is the one in control of my body not the doctors, so anything can happen. I wish you the best of luck, Dr. Berger is the best! Hugs~ Michael Marie
Thats how I feel right now. The only person who knows is a close friend of mine. She doesn't judge, just supports which is awesome...Did I read that somewhere that you got a BFP? I'm pretty new to the board and have been reading back a bit to see what was going on before i got here...
if you don't mind me asking how old were you when u had your TR? Did it go well?
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My husband and I did not tell anyone about our TR except for my husbands best friend who we were staying at before the surgery. We felt that it was no one elses business, but our own. We would tell everyone when we got pregnant, and deal with their comments then as hearing all along before we got pregnant. We didn't need the extra stress.
I do agree with you, ultimately it's not a decision that other's need to be involved in...you're right. I'm sure once my kids are told, they will come around to the idea as your's did...it will be something that will shock everyone at first, I think, but what can you do... Thats life!
The support here is incredible...I wish you the very best of luck in ttc, hoping it happens soon for you (as well as me) !!!!
Just to second what all the others TR sisters have said. Having a TR and trying to have a child is really no one's business but you and your DH. I think that we all want everybody to think the same way we do or in close correlation to how we think about having a TR and TTC at our age. People (our families first and foremost) can say things that are very hurtful in situations like this - when they really should just keep their mouths quiet. We want our children to love the idea of a new lil' one as much as we do - and sometimes it takes a little adjusting to for them - but most of the time they come around - Who could not love a new life in the home???
My daughters are 19 and 11 and they both happy about us possibly having a new baby. I remember not too long ago when my oldest daughter was home from college, I was working on the computer and they both grabbed pillows and made a pallet on the floor beside of the desk and we talked babies and trying to come up with the perfect baby name. When we first introducted the idea to them, they thought we were crazy - because it's just been the 2 of them - but at the same time - they became excited about the idea.
Keep your chin up and know that this board is full of support when the rest of the world thinks you have grown 3 heads because you want another baby and because you're over 40??? What will you want next??? lol
Take care! Betty TR 05/17/07 Age-sssssssshhhhhhh 44
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Thanks to all of you for your replies, it helps just to know that I am not alone and I appreciate how candid you all are about your own personal situations. I was wondering how others have handled this and I can see each person has had somewhat of a different approach.
I agree that is is a very personal and private decision and the most important thing is that it is what DH and I really want! I guess I'm just not ready to announce it or I wouldn't be trying to decide what to do...? I think we will keep quiet for now. I'm not going to feel bad about that, I have my reasons and I think it's best for me if I don't go into it before hand....Then I won't have to field off all kinds of questions from family at a time when I just want to get through the surgery with a good result..
You ladies are great in sharing your personal stories. I can feel the love here and I'm glad there is a forum such as this for ppl to seek support.
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Lisa, This decision is between you and your DH. That's how I see it. No one else has to go through the TR, a possibly pregnancy, and raising the child. So, it doesn't really matter what they have to say about it. Don't let anyone else stress you over the decision if it's what you and DH want.
Some ladies tell the family and some doesn't. DH and I told our children, 11 and 13, about a few weeks before TR. My parents and my DH's parents know that I had the TR. We haven't told anyone else, and don't really know when we will.
We have been TTC for a few months now, but no BFP as of yet. We assume that we will tell others when we feel the time is right--whether that be after BFP or before, I don't know. We just feel we will know when it is appropriate to let it be known. Of course, if and when we do get a BFP, we wouldn't be able to keep it a secret for long if it's a healthy pregnancy. It would eventually reveal itself.
So, you do what is right for you and yours. No one can really say what is right or wrong. Everyone is always going to have an opinion, but that's fine. They are entitled to, just as you are entitled your opinions, feelings, and wishes. Best of luck to you, and I hope all works out well for you during this journey.
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I am going through the same situation. I am 26 and mom of 3. My ex-husband was the one who demanded the TL to start. He is always saying I make enough money and don't need his support. He is not there for my 3 and my DH IS! My parents wonder why we would fix something that is not broke and my kids are too young to understand. Friends and Family know I have wanted to have it done but they don't know it was done last month. I can't wait to tell everyone I'm pregnant! I don't care what anyone has to say, My DH and I made this decision and we are happy with it.
My Dh deserves to be called Daddy too! He is wonderful to the 4,5 and 8 year old kids I had before him. I don't owe anybody money and I own a very successful business and if my family and friends don't choose to support us them they will just miss out on being a part of our family. Sad to say but I can't worry about "them".
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Lisa I know how you feel. My mom agreed with my ex-DH in convincing me to get the TL after my last son was born. She worries too much and doesn't want me to get pregnant again. DH and I haven't told anyone. I am glad I didn't tell the kids because we have been TTC for 8 months and it would have been terrible hearing them ask me all the time "mom are you pregnant yet?" not to mention all the concerns about who gets what room if there is a new baby. We figured we would keep to ourselves and if we get lucky, we will share the good news when we feel it is safe. Don't feel bad about doing that...alot of other ladies feel the same way, especially with being older and having lower chances. Good luck! Carol - 42 DH - 29 DS (21, 18, 15, 13) TR 4/14/08
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I had TR done in April 08. I was almost 40. We have told a few people. I have not told my kids, DD 14, DD 11 and DS 9. I don't want them to get their hopes up (they would love for my DH and I to have a baby). We did not tell DH's parents either, as he has no kids and we did not want them to get excited either. My mom knows because I had to get money from a family trust fund to get the TR done, she didn't find it to be a very good idea, but supports our decision. I think who you tells depends on your relationship with that person and your individual situation.
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Hello, Lisa..I'm 45 and just had my TR in September, (all went perfectly fine.. ). My DD is 24 and she's fine with it; my mom is more than fine with it. My only sister, who was older by 9 years, thought I was insane. She said it was too risky, and that I was newly married and should enjoy my marriage and not create any 'problems' that might hold us down from taking trips and things like that. Well, it hurt for her to feel that way, but the decision was between DH and myself. This is such a personal decision, it's what makes you feel better inside on how to handle it. Good luck to you. Just go with your heart and you'll make the right choice on how to let everyone know.... 'hugs'
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). My DD is 24 and she's fine with it; my mom is more than fine with it. My only sister, who was older by 9 years, thought I was insane. She said it was too risky, and that I was newly married and should enjoy my marriage and not create any 'problems' that might hold us down from taking trips and things like that. Well, it hurt for her to feel that way, but the decision was between DH and myself. This is such a personal decision, it's what makes you feel better inside on how to handle it. Good luck to you. Just go with your heart and you'll make the right choice on how to let everyone know.... 
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