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The expression of emotion from each of these stories creates a great support system for those women with this shared experience, whether it be tubal ligation, tubal reversal or both. Kathy
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My situation is a bit different than many here, but similar as well. I had my TL in 2000 after the birth of my second child. My dh and I were both working-full time outside the home, and finances were as crunched as they can be. We had one of each, and we were saving for our first single-family home. Neither of us liked birth control much - as married people we just found it tedious and unnecessary so we opted for the TL.
We never could have forseen the time when finances changed, and original desire I had for three children would be become within our means both financially and being able to be at home full-time.
I had moments of deep regret but mostly because other circumstances made our decision vs. us making it because we were complete. I didn't have daily regrets, I was not emotionally wrecked - just a longing and the occasional ache for something that I knew couldn't be.
When I found CH - it was a dream come true. I'd never even heard of having it reversed! I couldn't get there fast enough. It didn't take long, and we were in CH getting it done. And while we had some ups and downs (one chemical, one loss at 10 weeks) we eventually welcomed our first TR baby in May 08. During the pg we had many long honest conversations about after and all the factors: the long emotional journey ttc, our ages, the age differences in our children - we agreed our family was going to be complete.
There were some medical concerns but those aside - I would have re-ligated my tubes anyway. I'm 37 next month, I have three children and my life is very full. I know my limitations, and with the tools we have - we can raise these three within our means, still save, still enjoy our lives and give our children as much as we can. I have no regrets NOW, but I've never experienced PTLS or any other physical issues. After my first ligation I would get teary on occasion watching A Baby Story or seeing a pregnant lady, now I'm so over baby stuff it's a 180 change.
Like everyone - I'm eternally grateful to CH for helping us have another child and completing our family. But I always expected to have my tubes re-tied - and have no regret at all.
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I agree with the PTLS! My experience has been horrible since my TL. My poor DH has had to see me be in pain and deal with ME during it all for the last 3.5 years. I'm looking forward to relief myself. Getting pregnant is a desire, but we are turning that over to God.
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I had regret not long after because my body started acting up.I wanted something done before I even meet my now husband.My TL was done when I had a c-section with my last child.At the time and being with my first husband having no more children was the right thing. If I had not felt so bad I would not have thought about a TR. I am now remarried to a great man with no children of his own. But I will tell any that even if I never get blessed with another child, doing away with PTLS was wroth it all to me. I feel like myself again and my DH loves it because we get out more and have fun now. Before I felt to bad through out my cycle to where I did not even want to leave the house. Miranda
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Mine was a divorce and remarriage to a man with no children that got me searching the net. We have one together and are ttc #2, then I will have another tl. I am so glad we had tr as an option to allow us to complete our family together.
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I had my tl right after my dd was born nearly 13 years ago. I didn't regret it at first, but within a year and our situation changed, then I regretted it. We had the tl for financial reasons and very selfish reasons on my part. I smoked and could not take birth control and I was not aware of other methods, (shot etc.) until after the fact. (I have quit smoking since this time) I was also pressured by my mother and husband who informed me that four was enough. In addition, I had lost a baby just prior to conceiving my dd. My husband was worried something would happen to me. The sad part was, I was only 32 years old.
I am now 45, had my tr this past July. If God blesses us then we are open to a blessing, if our time came and went then at least I will be relieved of my post ligation symptoms.
I watched my sister get her tubal a few months after I had my daughter, (she had to have an emergency c-section and they let me go in with her). If you ever see this, you would never get a tl.
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I love your perspective JenniferK! That's exactly how I feel. Of course, I do wish I would have fully considered it with prayer before hand...but I do believe we must often go through bad things to open our eyes or to end up where we need to be!
God Bless and congrats on having the baby you so wanted!
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I may be unique in that I don't regret having my TL. At the time it was the right decision for me and I had no way of knowing how my life would change. I am grateful that I found CH and Dr. Berger who was able to give me what I needed when it came to the TR. I now have a beautiful daughter and I know that everything that came before, including my TL and TR, was so I could eventually have her in my life.
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What is interesting to me, is that often the association between guilt and symptoms is used to explain physiological symptoms following TL. When I first began having bad symptoms, very soon after TL, I didn't even regret the decision yet. I was convinced it was "for the best". My symptoms went on for months and months, until I began praying and crying about what I had done...
So, my question (and I've answered this for myself on a personal/spiritual level) was did the symptoms CAUSE me to begin to realize and regret what I had done, since they came first?
My TL was necessary to change my heart to understand what God had given me, and that what I had done (for me and my family) was wrong! I decided on the TL absent of my faith in God, and against my husband and doc's recommendations! So, once I realized what I had done, and that it would cost my family 7k for a trip to repair it, it hit me very hard.
I'm thankful I had the TL because through it, I learned that large families, and children in general are the tool that God is using in me to mold me to what He wants me to be...had I not had it, I would be pregnant another time or two, and maybe I would view these additional children as blessings but burdensome, since my heart needed the change in many ways to ensure that my faith was complete.
**Oh, and to touch on the blog, no pastor told me that my TL was "against God's will". This was something very personal between me, God and my husband. No pastor is in our bedroom-only Christ dwells there. I'm not religious, so it isn't about "rules" of do's and dont's. I'm saved by Christ, so for me, it was about the Holy Spirit working in a way to change my heart about this particular subject, just as He has in other ways-no rules. I don't believe you have to have lots of kids to be a Christian! If we never had another, I know my heart and so does God..this is a personal heart change of faith.**
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I had tl in 12/98 after the birth of my son. No problems durning preg, however my husband then was very abusive, mental,physical,emotional. I really wanted more kids later on but not with him, so i had tl. yes i really regreted but i always thought i would never be able to get away from him so that is why i had tl done, before my son turn 1year old he left me for a much younger girl, she was 18 and i was 21 with 2 kids, she had none. that was my chance to move away, i did and got my life changed and met the man of my dreams, he had no kids and always treated my kids as his own. we dated 3 years and then i finally married him in 2003. I am so happy and so are my children, my children have not seen there real father and they dont care too. They are only 9 and 12. So now i have tr and we are trying for a baby and my children are so happy, they both said they cant wait to be the big brother/sister.We also talked to them before we had the tr done and they was please to know mom could have a new baby some day. My tr was 4/7/08 and no bfp yet and my cycles have been way off, around 38 to 40 days. SO yes i really regreted doing tl.
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If I had to do it all over again I would never have the TL. I could have saved myself 3 years of PTLS misery, angst, doctor visits and the near collapse of my marriage....I am so grateful the the TR has resolved all my symptoms and given me my life back..I tell everyone who mentions it not to have a TL or to give it serious consideration (understanding the potential physical complications before they do it).
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I strongly regret having my TL. At the time, I experienced a troublesome pregnancy and my OB at that time, scared me into having more children. I don't know why I listened to her, but I did. Now 3.5 years later, I am scheduled for my reversal on 10/8/08. I am looking forward to having 'normal' cycles again and praying that if it is God's will, we will get pregnant again.
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This should be a very interesting thread. I would be interested to see how many people have come to their decision of having a tubal ligation reversal.
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I very much regret My TL. Nine short months after my TL my DD so sadly passed away. We were devastated. I thought when I had the TL done I was making the right decision because my family was complete because I had my 2 boys and now my little girl. I regret that decision now more than anything but I have corrected that decision with my TR in march of this year. I have not had a BFP as of yet but I have time, I am only 30. I feel it will happen when my mind and my body is ready. Thanks so much.
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Our new blog discusses common reasons patients have shared with us as to why they have regretted their tubal ligation: Guilt or regret after tubes tied
Please share your story on the message board if you have had such an experience.
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