Oh my gosh, I just want you to know how similar our stories are! We are also Christian, homeschoolers, 4 kids.
We also prayed that summer we decided to have the ligation, and thought we felt "peace" about it. In fact, when I realized my heart was changing, I kept saying, but why did I have "peace" do it in the first place?
I also spent a terrible time in depression and spiritual battles over guilt and fear, especially with the cost the local OBGYN was going to charge. This summer I spent 2 months alone while my husband was training in OKC with the FAA, soul-searching and praying over all this brokenness and what I was supposed to do. When he got back from OKC, my husband was in agreement with me that we should do this, too. But I kept putting it off because of fear of money, fear of starting over, fear of this and that... We prayed again that if it was God's will he would make a way for us. After that I felt that I should call Chapel Hill right away. I got set up for an appointment in less than 3 weeks, and the surgery was scheduled on the exact days my husband had off from work! I knew that was a sign. Also, the cost was exactly the amount we have on our bank loan, so we were able to pay the money up front that fast. Less than one month ago I hadn't even called the TR center yet, and here I am now. Before the surgery I was extremely emotional, I think I cried off and on all day because the old fears were getting to me..."what if you wasted all this money? do you really want more? the country is in bad shape and you want to bring MORE into the world?" But in the evening I decided I needed to snap out of it, and I asked my husband to pray for me. He did, then I had peace, and the rest went well.
I also have told almost noone about getting tubes tied or reversed, because I think it is very private. I never wanted anyone to know that I couldn't have anymore whenever I'd get comments about when our "next one" was coming.
Sorry to spill so much, even though it's not the whole story. But I remember I kept weeping and thinking to myself..."I'm alone, I'm alone" because NOONE else knew what I was going through, not even my Mom. And now I see there's others like me, and it is so GOOD to know that!
I will definitely be staying in touch with you! ~Sarah
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Thank you everyone for all the warm welcomes:)Its so nice to know there are others on similiar journeys. I look forward to getting to know you all:) Natalie, how exciting, we are only a day a part. Maybe we will get to meet, as Im guessing we will be crossing paths. I have my consult at 1pm on the 19th. Im already feeling a bit nervous for the process..trying to not think about it too much and focusing on how wonderful it will feel to get on the other side;) Tara
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Tara, I am cutting and pasting my introduction.
Please know you are NOT alone.
There are so many women here with many similarities in their stories.
I am Stacy, 37. Married to DH for 12 years. We have four amazing and beautiful kids, DS#1 - 9, DS#2 - 7, DD #1 - 5 and DD #2 - 3. We are Christians, homeschoolers, and I work per diem as an RN. We live in NY.
I had my TL the day after DD#2 was born. I am still wondering what we were thinking. Even on the table [I had a spinal] I was thinking, "I should stop them," but thought I knew what I was doing. DH and I had prayed about doing it and thought we had peace about it. Turns out we really did not. So hard to describe the last three years in a brief introduction, but it has been really bad for me, and by extention, for him. I think I cried myself to sleep 2/3 of the nights between then and my TR.
About 20 months ago I sort of searched the internet and first saw this and I remember one day calling a local fertility place about TR. I saw the costs associated and pretty much shut down any hope of ever doing it. All our needs are met, but we are very careful with our money. I felt if we did something like this, I would be "stealing" money from my family.
I spent last August to April in a downward spiral of sadness. I won't hijack this place and try to explain it. But one facet I bet many of you can understand is I just felt broken and damaged. And I truly felt worse because I had "done it to myself." The spiritual trials I faced were the most difficult. Once I shared with my husband the possibility of TR he made me feel like money shouldn't be the obstacle. We spent all of April and May really, really praying about this. I needed to know if "fixing" myself was just because I was no longer in baby-mode [with no more diapers, strollers, cribs, etc.] and missed it, or if we really were feeling called to correct our mistake.
So I had the surgical repair on 7/7/09 and am 6w pregnant at this point.
Before the TR I was intermittantly terrified it wouldn't work and/or I wouldn't ever get PG again, and terrified it would work and we will have a larger family!
At this point I am operating entirely on trusting God and leaving the details to Him.
I was excited to "meet" others in my shoes. I really thought I was the only person who ever made a mistake like this!
You can count on one hand how many people knew I even HAD a TL, and half that number knows I am had a TR. I never shared my TL, mostly because I am CRAZY private, but also because I never wanted to make a comment on anyone's family size. I do think that is an individual couple's decision.
I hope you are as comforted as I was to "meet" so many women who have similar stories.
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Tara, I am so glad to hear that you have scheduled your tubal reversal, you will be here before you know it! If you have any questions at all before then, please email me at pamm@tubal-reversal.net. Have a safe trip to Chapel Hill.
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Tara, So sorry to hear about your baby girl. May God bless your desire to have another baby. Big families are great. I've seen some that work together so smoothly it seems, with older ones helping the little ones. Seven years ago our 3rd son was born 6 weeks early after a week long hospital stay, we thought we had our hands full-and we did! I was 29 and after my tubal ligation I sobbed and sobbed for an hour straight. A year ago, I began to pray that someday I would have a daughter. I always thought I would have one. I grew up with brothers and when I begged my mom for a baby sister, she said, just wait until you grow up and have your own daughter. Even though it was crazy, I couldn't help but want it to the point of thinking about it constantly. I could hardly believe it when my DH got on board with the tubal reversal idea, just as I was ready to give it up because it was too hard longing for what I couldn't have. When I told my husband I was willing to give it up if he didn't want it, that was when he came around. One of my biggest questions (and his) was, if it was a boy, would I be content. He said he could just picture us having 18 boys! I said I thought even if it was a boy, I was sure with work and all, I would have my hands full and wouldn't be able to handle more than one more baby. But I was a little worried I might be disapointed if I conceived and it was a boy. Then while we were trying to make a decision, my youngest son had a second grade project that he needed baby pictures for. Seeing pictures of each of our boys as newborns moved me greatly. I could never be disapointed with a baby boy! That helped us make our decision: seeing our precious children as infants and thinking we could have one more.
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Thank you Sarah and Tara both for sharing your stories on this board. Being over a year past TR and still waiting for a baby we get to hold (I've had some losses along the way, it's easy sometimes to get so wrapped up in TTC that we forget why we got the TR in the first place. Yes, I want another baby and then some in the worst way, but my focus was physical wholeness as well as making right something the Lord had convicted me of. I have 4 children and already get the big family comments, but I can't wait for many more! I love hearing of families open to as much life as the Lord will bring. I pray that you are blessed in your journey to bring more life into this world! Mindy
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Tara I am so glad you are able to get your surgery. I am sorry about your baby. Your story is not the only one like that it is sad to say. I will be thinking of you on your big day my girl turns 6 that day. Miranda
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HI Tara! Welcome to the boards!!! I know you will love it here, the ladies are wonderful, and the nurses are really helpful. Congratulations on scheduling your surgery, and good luck!!!
I just got on this message board for the first time a couple of days ago, right after I got back from my TR on Oct.2. I was "lurking" like you, but then I really felt like I wanted to connect with you all!
It is comforting to hear the reasons that women give for making the decision to have their tubal ligations in the first place; I feel like I am not alone in making a bad decision that I thought was good at the time. We were pregnant with our fourth when we decided to get it done post-partum. It was a very stressful time, I was highly emotional since we were moving and living with my family and everything seemed to be going wrong that summer and we both thought "we just can't have anymore! How could we ever provide for any more kids!?" I felt so inadequate. I have spent the past 5 years telling myself it was for the best, we have all we can handle, and trying to justify what I did because I thought it was irreversable. But this past year God really began healing my heart and showing me that my desire for children is good and natural, and that I don't have to worry about providing for them when I am trusting Him. After I got out of denial that I wanted more, I found myself almost becoming obsessed with this desire emotionally... I was crying myself to sleep thinking I had made an irreversible mistake just one year ago. Then I started researching everything I could about TR, and I found Dr. Berger. My husband's heart has changed too, I think a lot since he has seen how emotionally painful it was for me to do this to myself....and he told me to get the TR done so we could make things right again.
So here I am now, a few days later, and even though I had a lot of nervousness leading up to the actual surgery, I am SO glad I did it!! I am now choosing to live in hope instead of fear.
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Hi everyone, Thought Id introduce myself. I have been lurking on this board off and on for the past couple years..really since I had my TL in Nov. of 2006. Such a caring group of ladies here! We are SO beyond excited that we get to reverse the worst decision of our lives this october 20th. We are so greatful that there are doctors like Monteith who will do my surgery, out there who give families like ours the chance to restore our 'brokenness'. We would fit into the category of just about every reason for doing a reversal.. #1..it was something we felt pressured to do at a vulnerable time in our lives(a high risk pregnancy that was very difficult)Prior to this pregnancy it was something we siad we'd never do.. Major guilt/regret! #2 We lost our baby Girl 11 hours after her c-section delivery/my tubal ligation was immediately after her delivery..not only did we realize she was gone..but we had the realization that our arms would never hold another baby again..double grief.. #3 I immediately developed physical symptoms of what most know to be PTLS..I dont care what some doctors say..and I couldn't believe they wanted to put me on the pill to fix it..wasn't that Why I got the tubal anyway,to avoid putting chemicals in my body? just crazy.Despite all I went through..I was not convinced all I was feeling was due to grief only.. #4 The last but not least;) reason is that we want to bring another baby into the world..and at least to know that we have that chance again would be better than not having it.. and give our hearts that sense of hope and choice we once had. It is just crazy how having that surgery date on the calendar, puts such joyful hope in our hearts..of course some fears too..but to see a stroller and think..wow we might need one of those again, instead of avoiding all things 'baby' to keep from being flooded with that nagging guilt and regret. Its amazing to HOPE again:) We are what most would consider a large family and love it:)We have been married 15 years, We have 5 bio. kids + 2 we adopted Internationaly almost 2 years ago, they were 8&10 at homecoming:) ALL our kids have been begging us to have another baby and love being in a large family.People tell us all the time, 'oh, 7 kids its the number of perfection' since making this decision we chuckle because we know most around us would think we were crazy for doing this..but as we have learned the hard way..its your life, live it to its fullest.. because if you dont it will be 'you' who lives with the regrets. We wish we had the kind of family that would bless this decision but unfortunately with the loss of our daughter, they would all be so angry with us out of there fears of it happening again. We dont need that added stress. It will be so nice to have this place to make friends and have support from those who'know' this journey. looking forward to getting to know you all:)Tara
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