posted
Hi ladies.. im actually home before dark today
Andrea.. things work themselves out.. hopefully for the better and quickly for you. My kids were wonderful...unlike me LOL
Becki.. hero? LOL I can't help myself to the bd'ing.... Not so much these days because DH has been working alot of state and staying weekends... but when he's home.. we try so very hard to make up for it LOL . My chart is all whacked this cycle...I didn't take temps a couple of times...and Im waking at different times and sometimes only sleeping like 3 hrs.... but Im sure I O'ed last Friday or Sat...
Tanya.. any word on the weight? Its amazing how fast they grow!
Jo.. Kerrie, Kattie...and anyone else I missed.. HI
posted
Andrea and Becky - My heart hurts reading these stories. I can't imagine looking at my 8 year old that someday this child would do something so cruel. I can't imagine how you both felt - nobody raises and loves a child to have them do something so sick. Becky - I'm glad your relationship is on the mend with your daughter.
Andrea - You've done so much already to keep her on the straight and narrow - I think letting her go a bit might be the answer. Your right - you've got another child to raise and your dh is fearful - who can blame him? Let me know if you get some time to meet for lunch - we can have that beer!
Becki - Thanks for the tip on Baby Magic. I'm heading to Target this weekend.
Carly's got her appt tomorrow - can't wait to see how much she weighs. She's still a bit fussy - considering switching her to an Enfamil brand formula - although my dh thinks I hold her too much and that's why she's fussy. ROTFL. Is there a formula for that? WHATEVER!
posted
Andrea, my DD was having sex at 15. She was telling lies about where she was going, and when I figured that out, I decided she could only see him at our house w/ us here. Then she talked her dad into letting him come to his house and spend the weekends she was w/him. This fool was picking the boy up on Fri evening and driving him 1 1/2 hours to his house and bringing him home Sun, and they were having sex right there in his house, under his nose. You can only do so much because teens are manipulative. It doesn't mean you're a bad parent. And yes, I do believe things happen for a reason.
Becki, I'll share after my belly is more baby and less me.
posted
Oh--almost forgot Social services told me that if there had been a baby in the house they woulod have removed it from my home until a full investigation was done. They said that my son could say he wasn't abused but a baby could not. All I can think about is all my m/c's and wonder if somehow God knew this was coming?? Strange I know but I tend to over think things.
posted
You guys are great!!! I cannot tell you what a relief it is to tell someone about all this since I have been told by social services not to talk about it---ugh. The boy will not be 18 for about 8 months and I have spoken to his dad, whom he lives with. That is a terrible situation in of itself---his mother is nowhere in sight and his step-mom is in jail for drugs---ugh...you would think my daughter would choose someone better than that!! I told her when she first started talking about him that it was a no go---I had told her she could only talk to boys in her grade or 1 grade higher. She immediately became smitten with him anyway and everytime I caught her talking to him she was punished....I cut her cell phone off, monitored all phone conversations, made it so she could not go anywhere without me or her father with her-----and she still managed to not only see and talk to him but have sex with him as well.....yes-I have a 14 yr old who is not a virgin, ugh! I am getting counseling--alone and with my husband and son. We invited my daughter along too but she has declined it saying she is happy where she is. I spoke to SS yesterday and they are not pressing charges on me, mainly because they interviewed my son and he told them the truth---also they were able to talk to school officials who said that both girls have been nothing but trouble all year long. Thank goodness my son told the truth but oh how I hated putting him in the middle as he is only 11.
Thanks for being there for me ladies--it means more than you will ever know!!!
posted
Andrea, Although we are close again, it's true, the relationship will never be the same, the trust can never be there and I don't know that I will ever let her back into my house. It's been five years, and the only time I saw her was when my grandmother died 3 years ago. That was very uncomfortable for all of us, but she wanted to be there and I felt it important for my grandmother--we didn't stay in the same place, and my DH didn't spend much time any time whereever she was at. So while its not the same, it is something. As a mother you always love your children no matter what, even when you don't like them very much.
posted
Becky-- Thank you so much for sharing your story with me.
I do hope that someday my daughter and I can repair our relationship however it will never be the same as I don't know if I will ever trust her again. Thanks again and congrats on your mended relationship with your daughter and your TR success!
Andrea- when does he turn 18? We had to use that one with my lil sister- he was 19 and she was 15 - Also depends on the laws and ages of consent in your state-- But I believe my step my did press charges -- Of course once she was 18 she ran off to Vegas and married him and 6 months later went thru a divorce -- SO I totally see what you are going through - I have seen it in my family with my sister... I think you need to stay strong and hard on this -- let her know you love her but with the choices and lies she is telling- there are consenqences (sp?) and she can't come home until she tells the truth and does the counseling... Yea I'd still want to kick her butt too!! Keep us posted!!!!! Praying for you!!!!
Jo- I know what you mean and I feel teh same way too -- that is why I try to only read a fwe threads and post there.. I still hear and see the sad news and it scares me to death... But I like the friendship and support you all give me SO keep posting to us!!!!
Mary- Thanks for the comments-- The votes are still even half for a boy and half for a girl (lol) I need to stalk your chart and check out your temps -- You know I saved your chart Are you still bding like crazy???? Your still my hero but I can't tell my DH that that really happens in the world (lol) what he doesn't know won't hurt him
Anita- Thanks too-- Umm I still want you to share you belly with me!!!! I'm cool with the shirt on--- you have my email address so you can just send away~~~~
Tanya- How is it going??? Did she do well on her own???? She is just beautiful!!!!! Hey I still want to see all three kids
Kerrie & Katie keep us posted with upcoming appointments and stuff... we wanna hear it all!!!
posted
Andrea, I hope things get better soon. Just remember, she's wanting things her way. She's feeling out the new situation to see if she'll have more freedom there. Plus, she'll be stubborn and not want to admit she was wrong. She's probably thinking that even though you did nothing to her, you deserve the frustration for "making her life hard". I've heard that one before. Can you talk to the boy's parents? Are you sure about the age? My DD lied to me about a boy's age before. Can you go to counseling yourself, maybe get some help to figure out how to handle a willful teenager? I hope I don't seem nosey or pushy. I just know how worrisome it is. i know you're probably feeling judged, but I bet the authorities have seen this before. At least you're trying to get her some help. My neighbor's son was horrible. He shot my kids with pellet guns, was a big bully, did drugs, acted out at home, but mom and dad refused to see. Well, finally he got in a little too much trouble, and now he's at a boot camp in Utah. They wouldn't tell him no about anything, at least you've tried to set limits. You might just have to let her play this out her way, and just be willing to give her another chance when she does decide to come around. I know you're feeling doubly punished because you were the only parent there for her, but they often strike out like that. My counselor said it was because they knew you'd always love them no matter what. It hurts, but it makes sense. And you know what else? I think if someone is wrongly accused they should be allowed to then do what they were accused of.
Jo. the same things have been going through my head. I've checked the heartbeat more frequently since those posts. We had a possible tornado last evening, and I was trying to wrangle kids and dogs, and I was so upset I started having abdominal pains, so I was afraid I did something there. I think there will be no worry free days until this baby is born, then a whole new set of worries will start. LOL Take care.
posted
Hi, sorry to but in on your thread--I'm a Jan. 06 TR girl and have kept up with you all for a while, I just had comment.
Andrea--I just wanted to tell you a bit of my story with my oldest daughter--very similar to yours, but with a happy ending--to give you some hope. My oldest did the same things, she was rude, mouthy, thought she would get rid of my ex by calling the police saying he was beating me once--embarrasing to have the police at our house for such a thing. Then about five years ago,she was upset cuz I wouldn't let her stay over at a friends house so she got into an argument and left anyway, she called the police and told them I beat her and my husband sexually assaulted her. We both got arrested, had to pay bail and a lawyer, finally to get all the charges dropped cuz she never showed up in court (she went to Boston to go to college--got kicked out after the first semester for bad grades, pulling a fire alarm in the dorm, and hacking into some computer). I didn't even talk to her for about a year. When I finally did, I told her that if she needed help, I would pay for her to go to Calif. with my sister, so eventually after being into drugs and getting into trouble with the police she went to Cal. and did okay for a while. She went back to Boston to "straighten out some legal problems" and got back into the drug scene for about 3 months till she ended up pregnant, at which point she straightened herself out for good, got into a treatment program and stuck with it. She now has a good job and a beautiful daughter who will be a year old in one week. We are very close again and talk on the phone several times a week, she knows she screwed up big time and regrets many of the things she did. I still won't allow her to my house, but I am going to visit her and my granddaughter next week. My husband is afraid to have her around, can't blame him as I am afraid to have her around us too. We can't risk being falsely accused of such things again (and I do know it was not true cuz I checked her email and she had sent someone an email saying that she had made up the stories to try to get rid of my husband cuz she could handle me better without him).
Again, sorry to barge into your thread and go on and on, but I wanted to let you know you are not alone--I know the heartbreak of having to let go of a child to protect the rest of my family. I shed many a tear trying to justify to myself that I was doing the right thing. I now know that I did--my other girls are great, they are 14 and 16 and are so good, they will even say that they don't want to be like their big sister. We have a beautiful TR daughter who is 11 months old. And my oldest has turned her life around. I know its rough now, but it can get better. Hang in there. I hope it gets better sooner for you.
posted
OMG Andrea..I love my daughter... but if she pulled that on me.. I would have beat her ass...no kidding. You are having a very rough time and I hope it gets better... you are doing the right thing..even if in your heart if feels wrong. Hang in there hun.
Jo.. dont fret.. you are going to be ok and that baby is too I know its hard not to worry.
Becki.. the email was wondeful.. im going with Boy hehehhee
Tanya...hope you are sleeping well tonight.. you need your rest.. good rest.
Kerrie... how are ya?
Kattie... hope you are getting closer to the IVF
Me.. nothing new... working lots.. temping... bd'ing every chance i get... same old same old.
Have a great night..morning.. day.. whatever its considered at 2a.m. hehehhehe
posted
Oh Andrea, my heart breaks for you. That is such a tough situation you are dealing with You are doing the right thing, I know your heart must be in a million pieces but your DH is right....he would be next and things would be 100 times worse for the entire family if she went after him. I know none of this helps at all but I hope that knowing I think you are 100% right in what you are doing gives you some strength. Girls are clever, there is no doubt about it. We all have the same power, it is a matter of choosing to use it for good or evil. I am sure her little friend has her convinced that what she is doing is best and unfortunately at that age they never look at the end result of the damage they cause. Things will turn around, your daughter came from an excellent woman so that is inside her somewhere and she will come out on the other side of this mess with a greater appreciation for you when all the dust settles. You will someday begin to create a new relationship with her and she will respect you and become your bestfriend. All this will happen because eventually the best part of you will emerge in her so have patience and love the family around you.
Ok sorry for the whole speech I have really nothing new going on, I am kinda getting freaked out and trying not to read on here too much I feel so bad and scared because of the ladies who lost their pg's at 13 and 15 weeks. I let that kind of stuff bother me to no end. I dont want that to be possible cuz its not fair to anyone .
Venting to you all has helped alot since no one else really knows---it's not something to tell the co-workers, KWIM??
Anita--the boy is 17-which is why my daughter is not allowed to date him. Too old for her yet not old enough to do anything legally---grrr.
It is mandatory that we all have counseling according to social services. My daughter has declined it so far. I haven't even spoken to her since Thursday when she left my house. At that point--I told her that if she wanted to even begin to mend our relationship that she would first have to admit that she lied to the proper authorities and apologize to me, my husband and her brother. She never said a word and left--ugh. I have been in constant contact with her aunt and she said she shows no remorse what so ever----nice, huh? I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am not at fault here---however I still feel terrible. I mean this is my daughter, I love her yet! Like I said-it is absolutely heartbreaking to have to choose between the rest of my family and my daughter. I must say that my house is much calmer and quieter and there has been no drama since she left. All of that is great but my heart is still broken.
Andrea, wow, I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. Teenaged girls are hard to deal with, then add a boy to the piture, especially an older one, they're almost impossible. Is he near legal limits? Then when you add their ignorant little friends to the mix, encouraging them to go against what you say, and telling them YOU'RE being unreasonable, it's the worst. I think I would be extremely against letting her back into the house too, especially since she'll lie about you like that. Sometimes tough love is the only way to deal with things. She's made her bed, and she might find out that there are quite a few wrinkles and it's uncomfortable, but hey, she did it to herself. Do you think you two could get some counseling to straighten things out? Don't beat yourself up. You have to protect yourself sometimes too. You didn't do this to her, she made some bad choices and did it to herself. You love her, but you don't have to like the person she's become, or let her drag your life down. As long as you keep the door open, there's always the possibility she'll grow up a little and see that she needs you. I hope you can work things out.
posted
Omgosh!~!~! Andrea I am SO sorry!!!! My heart breaks for all you are going through... I hope in the end your DD realizes what she is doing and all this mess she is causing... I agree with your DH if she will hurt you like this with lies and your her mother who has taken care of her all these years -- He is her next "game". As for the friend... After all you did andn tried to do for her.. The nerve!
I wish there was something I could do or say to help ya -- Know we are here for you and willing to listen anytime!!! Keep us posted and let us know whats happening!!!
UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
SO keep posting to us!!!! ![[Frown]](frown.gif)
You are doing the right thing, I know your heart must be in a million pieces but your DH is right....he would be next and things would be 100 times worse for the entire family if she went after him. I know none of this helps at all but I hope that knowing I think you are 100% right in what you are doing gives you some strength. Girls are clever, there is no doubt about it. We all have the same power, it is a matter of choosing to use it for good or evil. I am sure her little friend has her convinced that what she is doing is best and unfortunately at that age they never look at the end result of the damage they cause. Things will turn around, your daughter came from an excellent woman so that is inside her somewhere and she will come out on the other side of this mess with a greater appreciation for you when all the dust settles. You will someday begin to create a new relationship with her and she will respect you and become your bestfriend. All this will happen because eventually the best part of you will emerge in her so have patience and love the family around you.
Printer-friendly view of this topic
© Chapel Hill Tubal Reversal Center
